An Interview With My Wife, Who's Never Seen Star Wars, After I Made Her Watch 'The Phantom Menace'

Twenty years later, is Episode I really as bad as we thought? Let’s ask an impartial observer.

Quote:Andrew: Before we begin, what do you think Star Wars is about?

Lauren: I think they’re trying to defeat Darth Vader. The plot is that Darth Vader wants to take over some universe. Is it Earth? I don’t know. And the good people in Star Wars need to stop him from doing that. I know Darth Vader has soldiers.

And what are they called?

Space Cadets? They ride around in a spaceship.

What’s that spaceship called?

The Force?

What are those called?

Jedi Swords?

I like that a lot better, actually.

They buzz, right? Aren’t they called Laser Beams?

Lauren, one second into Jar Jar Binks’ first appearance: “What the f**k?”

Ten seconds into Jar Jar Binks’ first appearance: “Is he supposed to look like that?”

Twenty seconds into Jar Jar Binks’ first appearance: “Is he supposed to be a joke?”

Thirty seconds into Jar Jar Binks’ first appearance: “Is this how all the movies are?”

Five minutes into the Pod Race, after I reveal Anakin’s future identity: “Oh, that little kid is Darth Vader? That’s sad.”

Upon Jabba the Hutt’s first appearance during the Pod Race: “Is that Yoda?”

Ten minutes into the Pod Race: “How much time are they going to spend on this race?”

Near End of the Pod Race: “This is the longest f*****g race ever.”

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