Both can live off a dead bear for 40 years.

How many gumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three.

One to screw in the new lightbulb, the other two to stand around and brag about the old lightbulb.

An Alabama fan walks into the doctor's office one day with a hat on. He takes off his hat, and the doctor sees that there is a big frog sitting right on top of his head. The doctor looks at the man and asks him why he has a frog sitting on his head. It was the frog who replied "Actually doc, I was the one who wanted to see you. Can you remove this wart off my butt?"

Q: What's the biggest lie told in Tuscaloosa?
A: "I was just helping that sheep over the fence."