A couple has a dog that snores. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon
around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
"Yeah right she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The Wife
tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and
ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops
snoring.
The woman is amazed!
The next night, the husband comes home late after being out late with his
buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly.The
woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet
again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.
As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a
blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks
back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't know where we
were or what we did, but, by Gosh, we got first and second place.

Not bad..... I laughed!

Very good, never heard that one before, good for a nice laugh at the end of a Monday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> !

Variation on that story

A scottish man get's drunk out of his mind and falls asleep in a ditch along the road home from the bar. Two school girls who have never seen the male form lift up his kilt and discover a rather big surprise. One of the girls ties her hair ribbon around his D. Later the scottish man stumbles home and into the bathroom. He felt the circulation being cut off in his **** so he lifted up his kilt and took noticed of the blue ribbon and said, "Well laddy, I don't know where ya been but I'm sure glad that yea won first place."

Here's another...

A bear and a rabbit ran into a faerie that granted them three wishes each. They each took turns wishing. The bear asks for the biggest bear **** in the world and *poof* there he had the biggest bear **** in the world. The rabbit asks for all fo the money in the world and *poof* he had every last cent in the world before him. Then the bear wished for all the other bears in the world to be turned into female bears and *poof* it happened. The rabbit then wished for a motorcycle and *poof* there it was. The bear's last wish was to have every girl bear want him and *poof* girl bears came from everywhere to get with the well-endowed bear. The rabbit's final wish was for every one of the girl bears to be a lesbian and *poof* it happened as the rabbit got on his motorcycle and sped away.

hmmmm, didn't account for the censor, how about "unit"?

(I've always thought this was hilarious)

Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby were a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband wants a threesome with me and my best friend. Whatever should I do?

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform
oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing
to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to
cook him a nice meal

<small>[ April 15, 2002, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: whitevillepack ]</small>