Three Pints of Guinness...

An Irish man walks into a pub, and the bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine. It's me! I've quit drinking!"


if anyone has another good one, let 'er rip...

lol makes me want to go pound some guinness tonight

At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself.

The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and I replied, "Midnight, just like I said."

She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she answered, "Last night when it cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said '****!,' cuckooed four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then started giggling."

An Indian chief spent 20 years in prison. When he got out, the first thing he wanted was a beer. After all, it had been 20 years since his last beer.

So he walked into the first beer joint he saw, sat down and ordered a beer. He was sitting there sipping on it nice and slow when this biker walked in. The biker had long, greasy hair, a bushy beard, and smelled like he hadn't had a bath in quite a while.

The Indian looked over at the biker, shook his head, took a drink off his beer, and went. "whew."

The biker said, "Old man, what's your problem."

The Indian said, "Well I'll tell you. I just spent 20 years, 20 long years in prison, for making love to a buffalo. I thought you might be my son."

2 guys were standing on a bridge taking a leak. The first man looked over at the 2nd and said, "the water's cold, man."
The 2nd guy said, "It's deep too."

bitcruncher Wrote:2 guys were standing on a bridge taking a leak. The first man looked over at the 2nd and said, "the water's cold, man."
The 2nd guy said, "It's deep too."

I don't get this one. The first one was damn funny. I'm use that one.

Well, the guys are standing on a bridge taking a leak. How can they tell if the water is either cold or deep from their vantage point?

Think about it...

A Brit, German and Scot are all sitting at a bar and drinking beer. flies land in all their beers.
the Brit pushes his beer away in disgust
the German flicks the fly out and keeps drinking
the Scot hold the fly over his beer and yells "spit it out! spit it you bastard!"