because there ain't much REAL news to discuss...

Quote:School: Hello, Mr. Hokie, this is your son's school. We're having some computer trouble we'd like to ask you about...

Hokie: What's up - did he break something?

School: Maybe. Did you REALLY name your son "Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;"?

Hokie: Yes. Little "Bobby Tables" we like to call him.

School: Well, we've lost this year's student records! I hope you're happy!

Hokie: ...and I hope you've learned to sanitize your database inputs.

Please share some of your favorites (keeping in mind this site is rated PG!)

(06-14-2018 10:18 AM)Hokie Mark Wrote:  because there ain't much REAL news to discuss...

Quote:School: Hello, Mr. Hokie, this is your son's school. We're having some computer trouble we'd like to ask you about...

Hokie: What's up - did he break something?

School: Maybe. Did you REALLY name your son "Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;"?

Hokie: Yes. Little "Bobby Tables" we like to call him.

School: Well, we've lost this year's student records! I hope you're happy!

Hokie: ...and I hope you've learned to sanitize your database inputs.

Please share some of your favorites (keeping in mind this site is rated PG!)

I'll play:



Mr Bear and Mr Rabbit were in the woods taking a POOP!

Mr Bear asked Mr Rabbit, "Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"

Mr Rabbit replied "No I do not"

So Mr Bear wiped his butt with Mr Rabbit.

Wife: You NEVER help cleaning the bathrooms!
Husband: Not true! I pee on the poop stains...

Here's one especially for you Syracuse fans...

LOL

Ok here is one:

A noted scoundrel passed away and headed to hell. As he was waiting in hell's processing line he observed through a glass window the devil laughing at the folks in hell trudging around in knee deep full of sh!t smoking cigarettes.

The scoundrel thought, For all the fun I had: friends' wives I bedded, lying, cheating and boozing I did in my life... Shuffling around in knee-deep sh!t smoking cigarettes ain't so bad.

Just then a horn blew:. The devil screamed, "break's over, back on your heads."

(06-14-2018 11:28 AM)Hokie Mark Wrote:  Wife: You NEVER help cleaning the bathrooms!
Husband: Not true! I pee on the poop stains...

(06-14-2018 12:20 PM)TexanMark Wrote:  LOL

Ok here is one:

A noted scoundrel passed away and headed to hell. As he was waiting in hell's processing line he observed through a glass window the devil laughing at the folks in hell trudging around in knee deep full of sh!t smoking cigarettes.

The scoundrel thought, For all the fun I had: friends' wives I bedded, lying, cheating and boozing I did in my life... Shuffling around in knee-deep sh!t smoking cigarettes ain't so bad.

Just then a horn blew:. The devil screamed, "break's over, back on your heads."

3 ministers and their wives from Mississippi were headed to New Orleans for a Billy Graham crusade. One was a Methodist, one Episcopalian, and the other a Baptist. Inpatient to get there and stuck behind a pulpwood truck they pulled out to pass and a bus hit them head on.

The next thing they knew they were before St. Peter at the Pearly gates. When St. Peter asked them for their names to check it by the in list the Methodist minister replied first, I'm revered Williams a Methodist minister from Mississippi and I'm here with my wife to get into Heaven. St Peter checked the in list twice and said "I'm sorry Rev. Williams but I don't have you on the in list. Let me check the list to go below. After a few seconds St. Peter said here you are Rev. Williams but I'm sorry to say you are headed below. The entry says Rev. Williams a Methodist minister who loved money so much he married a woman named Penny. Poof they were gone.

Next the Episcopal Priest announced that he was Rev Jones and that he and his wife were there to get in. But alas St. Peter couldn't find them on the in list, but he located them on the down list and said "I'm sorry Rev. Jones but it says in the down list that Rev. Jones an Episcopal Priest from Mississippi loved alcohol so much that he married a woman named Sherry. Poof they were gone.

About that time the Baptist minister turned to his wife and said, "Come on Fanny let's get out of here!"

Joker: Do you know the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping-Tom?

Guy: No I don't.

Joker: They’re complete opposites. One wants to snatch your watch while the other wants to...

(06-14-2018 09:20 PM)JRsec Wrote:  3 ministers and their wives from Mississippi were headed to New Orleans for a Billy Graham crusade. One was a Methodist, one Episcopalian, and the other a Baptist. Inpatient to get there and stuck behind a pulpwood truck they pulled out to pass and a bus hit them head on.

The next thing they knew they were before St. Peter at the Pearly gates. When St. Peter asked them for their names to check it by the in list the Methodist minister replied first, I'm revered Williams a Methodist minister from Mississippi and I'm here with my wife to get into Heaven. St Peter checked the in list twice and said "I'm sorry Rev. Williams but I don't have you on the in list. Let me check the list to go below. After a few seconds St. Peter said here you are Rev. Williams but I'm sorry to say you are headed below. The entry says Rev. Williams a Methodist minister who loved money so much he married a woman named Penny. Poof they were gone.

Next the Episcopal Priest announced that he was Rev Jones and that he and his wife were there to get in. But alas St. Peter couldn't find them on the in list, but he located them on the down list and said "I'm sorry Rev. Jones but it says in the down list that Rev. Jones an Episcopal Priest from Mississippi loved alcohol so much that he married a woman named Sherry. Poof they were gone.

About that time the Baptist minister turned to his wife and said, "Come on Fanny let's get out of here!"

That was funny!

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I just watched a documentary about beavers... it was the best dam show I ever saw.

If you saw someone rob an Apple store, would that make you an iWitness?

Q: What's Forest Gump's password?
A: 1forest1

Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag, sir?
Customer: No, just leave it in the carton.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

A 3-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Son: Dad, are you alright?
Dad: No, I'm half left.

Wife: How do I look?
Husband: with your eyes.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
- I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Nurse: Do you know your blood type?
Patient: red.

Waiter: Here's your food, sir... sorry about your wait.
Customer: So now you're calling me fat?

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the p is silent.

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

(06-22-2018 09:43 AM)Lenvillecards Wrote:  How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with NO legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer.

What about a deer with no eyes AND no legs?
Still no-eye-deer.

(06-22-2018 09:43 AM)Lenvillecards Wrote:  How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You mean it's not a Rump Roast?

A young brave walks into the Chief's lodge and say's, "Cheif I have a bone to pick with you, but first I have a question. How is it that you name the babies in the tribe?" The Chief replies, "That's easy. I behold the young child and then walk outside into the Great Spirit's creation. If I see an eagle flying I name him Soaring Eagle, if I see a marauding Grizzly I name him Prowling Bear. Now what's the bone you want to pick with me Two Dogs Humping?"

A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks "how much do you charge?"

The lawyer answers "$5,000 for three questions."

"Wow, that's pretty expensive, isn't it?" the man asks

"Yes," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

Does this mean that West Virginia would become Minnesota if they got in the B1G?

(07-06-2018 12:48 PM)Wolfman Wrote:  Does this mean that West Virginia would become Minnesota if they got in the B1G?

LOL, those are ugly cheap looking sofas

(07-06-2018 04:55 PM)cuseroc Wrote:  

(07-06-2018 12:48 PM)Wolfman Wrote:  Does this mean that West Virginia would become Minnesota if they got in the B1G?

LOL, those are ugly cheap looking sofas

You wouldn't want to burn good ones, would you?

(07-06-2018 07:17 PM)ken d Wrote:  

(07-06-2018 04:55 PM)cuseroc Wrote:  

(07-06-2018 12:48 PM)Wolfman Wrote:  Does this mean that West Virginia would become Minnesota if they got in the B1G?

LOL, those are ugly cheap looking sofas

You wouldn't want to burn good ones, would you?

Good point